Droll Definitions

A colleague just pointed me to the Chambers Gigglossary. A collections of humorous alternative definitions for English words.

Here are a few of my favourites:

accountant a person who will prove that two and two did make four, but, after deducting professional fees, now only comes to three

bargain something you can't use offered at a price you can't resist

cat a partially domesticated animal who keeps you as a pet

common sense practical wisdom and understanding, and as such, not common at all

computer an electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities

confidence the feeling one experiences before one fully understands the situation

dieting wishful shrinking

experience the ability to recognize a mistake when you make it again

fashion a means of expressing one's individuality by wearing and doing exactly the same things as others

hypochondria the only condition a hypochondriac thinks he doesn't have

innumeracy the fear of all sums

global warming a meteorological phenomenon cited to explain the appearance of three consecutive days of fine weather in a British summer

morris dancer a drinker with a dance problem

pyromania a misplaced burning ambition

recursive see recursive

sport any game devised by the English and taught to foreigners, who then promptly thrash them at it

tree [Ireland] The number that comes between two and four