Caption Fun

As the credit crunch hits household spending, some pets take matters into their own hands

Droll Definitions

A colleague just pointed me to the Chambers Gigglossary. A collections of humorous alternative definitions for English words.

Here are a few of my favourites:

accountant a person who will prove that two and two did make four, but, after deducting professional fees, now only comes to three

bargain something you can't use offered at a price you can't resist

cat a partially domesticated animal who keeps you as a pet

common sense practical wisdom and understanding, and as such, not common at all

computer an electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities

confidence the feeling one experiences before one fully understands the situation

dieting wishful shrinking

experience the ability to recognize a mistake when you make it again

fashion a means of expressing one's individuality by wearing and doing exactly the same things as others

hypochondria the only condition a hypochondriac thinks he doesn't have

innumeracy the fear of all sums

global warming a meteorological phenomenon cited to explain the appearance of three consecutive days of fine weather in a British summer

morris dancer a drinker with a dance problem

pyromania a misplaced burning ambition

recursive see recursive

sport any game devised by the English and taught to foreigners, who then promptly thrash them at it

tree [Ireland] The number that comes between two and four

Gates to go

News has broken today that the head of the software giant Microsoft, Bill Gates is to step down from his day-to-day involvement in the company to focus on his charitable work.

In the light of this announcement, many are already discussing the legacy that Gates leaves (for good or for ill) on the computer world. My favourite comment so far is a quip from a writer in one of the the Slashdot news forums. He writes:

Bill Gates' tombstone will read

This man has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down

Et tu, Michael?

  

Christmas Crackers

I'm still in the mood for more humour. So with Christmas fast approaching, lets talk about cracker-jokes. Have you ever read one that was funny? (If so please share) Do they deliberately make them so groan-worthy? Let's have some funny, witty or intelligent alternatives for some cracker jokes. It shouldn't be too hard to raise the bar should it?

ahem....

What do you call a Royal Mail worker who thinks one letter-box is as good as any other?

Postmodern Pat!

Festive Cheer

I haven't done one of these for a while. To get in the festive mood, post me a humourous caption to this picture.

Google Bomb

This is the best one I have seen for a while...

1. Go to www.google.com


2. Type: french military victories


3. Hit "I'm feeling lucky"

Which came first...?

Following on from my deep and meaningful post on Thursday... here's a photo for a caption competition that seems appropriate! Have fun

Blessed are the geek...

Here's a little test. Look at the image below. If you think it is cool or amusing - you are one of us, brother!



...don't be ashamed, be proud! Blessed are the geek! This is a day when the richest man in the world is a geek. No company can survive without its own team of geeks. Geeks are now well paid and respected members of society, no longer just spotty lovelorn teenagers who never leave their bedroom.

I visited a friend's house last night and on his fridge he had spelled in fridge magnets the words: "gentoo" and "ubuntu" -- Respeccct!!

So calling all fellow geeks -- confessional time: What is the geekiest thing you have ever done? Make me proud!

More caption fun

Enough of the deep and meaningful... time for some Friday fun. Post your wittiest captions for this photo.

Guess the Bible Verse

Time for another fun weekend competition. Below is an illustration that didn't make it into the Good News Bible. Can you guess which verse it is for?

Have I got news for you? - Round 5

Time for a bit of Friday fun. Here's another caption competition. See what you make of this:



< Round 4

Have I got news for you? - Round 4

This time it's the caption competition. See who can come up with the wittiest caption for the following picture.



< Round 3

Have I got news for you? - Round 3

Because the last one was so popular (and short-lived) here is another odd-one-out round.



The next four are: Matthew Ling, Boris Johnson, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and Kiefer Sutherland. See if you can work it out before James!

< Round 2

Have I got news for you? - Round 2

It's the odd-one-out round.



Today's four are: Roger Aubrey, George Cloony, Frank Abagnale Jnr., and Christopher Eccleston.

< Round 1

Have I got news for you?

If like me you kicked back on the sofa with a beer, expecting first class entertainment and political satire from the recording of "Have I got news for you?" you made last Friday; only to find that the series has ended and you've got something with Anne Robinson instead. Here's something to ease the pain.

It's the missing words round. This comes from a real headline.


Mayor uses picture of Pope for